Exclusively Pumping: Normalizing Alternative Breastfeeding

Leading up to the birth of my first child, I wasn’t too caught up in a “Birth Plan.” In fact, I think I jokingly told my OB that my only plan was to have a baby, but, it wasn’t far from the truth. I was interested in seeing what my body could do without the aid of drugs, but totally was NOT against the use of them. I was hoping to avoid a cesarian, but, knew Mommas who had delivered this way and had beautiful birth stories. The only real goal I had was to begin Nursing as soon as possible and exclusively breastfeed my baby.

I ended up being induced at 39 weeks due to high blood pressure, but had a great birth with the assistance of a myriad of drugs. My little guy latched on right away and we nursed every two hours for the entire duration of our hospital stay. Everyone said we were doing well and on the right track. I got a crash course in what a clog might feel like and when to call the Doctor for Antibiotics if Mastitis were to set in, but otherwise, we were cut loose with a gold star in breastfeeding. I was thrilled!

The sweet sleepy baby we had at the hospital, however, quickly morphed into a screaming monster when we got home. He nursed often, but wasn’t having enough wet or dirty diapers, I couldn’t tell if my milk had really come in or not and I felt completely and utterly bewildered. Our first appointment at the pediatrician’s office that first week confirmed my fears that he wasn’t eating and we were sent to specialist after specialist hoping to get this baby nursing efficiently. We revisited the doctor after 3 days and when his weight still wasn’t improving, we were given formula. I sobbed in the doctors office and watched my tiny helpless baby scarf down 3 ounces of formula and fall asleep with a full belly.

My lactation consultant was urging me to keep putting the baby to breast as often as possible but to also start pumping every two hours religiously. Thankfully my insurance had covered the expense of a hospital grade at home pump that had been delivered a week before my son was, but, I was CLUELESS!! I thought pumps were only for when moms went back to work? Or when you got crazy on date night and had to “Pump and Dump.” I had no idea what I was doing or how to do it.

Thankfully, a late night google search gave me a term for my new situation. Exclusively pumping. And these two words defined the next 9 months of my life. I pumped in cars, through a DUI checkpoint 300 miles from home, at wedding receptions, in line at Starbucks – there’s no where a determined Momma can’t pump or feed her baby. Let me tell you!

Exclusively Pumping and not falling into either category of Breast or Bottle was tough for me. He was bottle fed breast milk… where’s that option on the intake forms? I felt shamed by breastfeeding groups and was judged by formula moms for not just making the switch. It took me a good 6 months to feel confident and proud of the way I was feeding my baby.

Now at 15 months, let me tell you, I don’t miss that pump or Exclusively Pumping. I don’t miss planning my days around how cool my milk would be in a cooler in the car. I don’t miss awkwardly trying to hold the crying baby between the bottles strapped to my chest. But I do miss the satisfaction of taking him to the doctor every few weeks and seeing how much he’d grown eating the food I’d worked so hard to give him. Now, he’s mostly sustained on a steady diet of spaghetti, peanut butter and goldfish crackers.

I’m all for feeding a baby however works for your family. I’m so thankful for formula and the way I was able to feed him when nursing failed us. I’m so thankful that we were able to finally nurse from 10 months to 13 months. And I’m beyond thankful for my pump which allowed me to feed my son my breastmilk for 9+ months.

Let’s be kind to one another. Support each other. And for god’s sake, NEVER ask a mother if she’s breast or bottle feeding. Ask her if she needs a glass of wine, or a nap, or a shower. Offer to do her dishes or fold her laundry. Leave the feeding to her. She knows what she’s doing.