I think that for a lot of us, self-care feels indulgent. Self-care feels selfish. We’ve all heard the saying “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” but, how many of us are taking this advice to heart? I was recently speaking with a close friend who has been going through a lot in her life. My two main concerns were how is your health, and how are you feeling. I think if we simplify self care to these two tenants, and treat ourselves the way we treat our friends, we would all be doing a little bit better in the world.
So to start with “How is your health,” when was the last time you exercised in a way that felt gratifying? When was the last time you looked at your body with kindness and gratitude? Are you fueling it with real food that nourishes you or are you settling for processed or “diet” foods?
Same goes for “How are you feeling.” If you were asking your best friend, what type of answer would be good enough? If they told you “I feel lonely,” “I feel overwhelmed,” or “I feel depressed,” wouldn’t you encourage them to seek help? Or to create time in their day to regroup and re-calibrate?
This is where I think self-care gets a bad rep. It’s not all about manicures, massages, or luxurious gifts. I think self-care is about finding ways to pursue peace and happiness within yourself so that you are able to give & be your best for others. Now don’t get me wrong, I am all about a ‘Treat Yo Self” day now and again. I think a little pampering can do the soul good, but only if the pampering isn’t a Band-Aid for a deeper wound.
Loving your body and treating it with the care and kindness it deserves is an intentional act. Taking the time to move your body in ways that feel good and fill it with real and nutritious foods can do wonders for how you feel on a daily basis. I think self care can look like giving up that boot camp you dread and beginning a new walking or yoga regimen that makes you feel peaceful, calm, and strong. Appreciating the amazing things your body accomplishes on a daily basis and giving it the fuel and movement it needs is a wonderful way to love and care for yourself.
When we evaluate our Mental and Emotional Self-care, I think drawing boundaries for ourselves is a great place to start. I think that can sometimes mean saying no to a project, or stepping away from a relationship that is wearing you down. I think an occasional bubble bath or a spa day to recharge your batteries is great, but really, any opportunity to quiet your mind and take a break is critical. Self care can be as simple as setting your goals and intentions for the week, and organizing your time so you can begin each day feeling in control. Something as simple as your favorite music, a quiet morning outdoors, or some quick meditation can reinvigorate you and help you feel your best. Find the thing that feeds your mind & spirit and put it on your calendar. Make it a priority.
I also think that the pursuit of self-care can be difficult for women and mothers. I think our naughty habit of martyr-ing our own well-being for the sake of our family is crushing us. And I believe our partners deserve better and want to help. And how many times has a friend or family member offered to help out with the kids, or a project you’re pursuing? LET THEM!! Give them the opportunity to be there for you and help you. It will help take a load off your shoulders and give your loved ones a chance to show you their love & support by being there for you.
So in the name of self-care, feel free to tell the classroom committee that you will not be able to bake cupcakes again this week. In the name of self-care, take some time for yourself this week to focus on what your goals and ambitions really are. In the name of self-care, reconnect with the people you love and ask them to help you. Sign up for the class you’ve been eyeing for months, but haven’t had the courage to join.
Be your own best friend today, and ask yourself what can you do for you.
